"Why do I have a playlist labeled 'Sexy Jamz' with nothing in it?" I exclaimed one day while looking through my computer's music library, "...your life," a friend said jokingly. I scoffed. But basically, the statement was true—when you're buried neck deep in papers, books, and homework, there's just no time to get down and dirty. But now it's summer, so you must just have all the time in the world to get nasty, right? Also, I think since being in Portland, I've been sucked into a weird timewarp, and it's actually 2003, so middle school grinding jams are making a huge comeback. Like, people listen to old-school Usher on the bus here. So, to say the least, I felt inspired to create this mix of nostalgically (consensually) sexy jams from the actual '90s 'til the '90s hangover to make you wanna grind like it's middle school. You know, when you shyly approach the person you've had a crush on for so long, and politely ask "excuse me, would you like to grind with me?"
Okay, maybe it's not always quite that simple, but here are some songs that might make you feel like an awkward tween again. I've left Usher by the wayside, because, well, he's got some questionable tactics.
1. "Hotline" - Ciara
This is your moment, a cutie thinks you're super fine and they just gave you their number, so you better call them. There's some mutual crushin' happening, so like, don't be afraid of things getting hot and heavy.
2. "Waiting For Tonight" - Jennifer Lopez
So, you've made some plans, and it's awesome, and you're so stoked, this is the best night ever, you've literally been waiting all of your life for this perfect moment.
3. "Push Up On Me" - Rihanna
Now's the time for some deliberation. You were just invited into this cutie's room. What's about to happen? Don't keep your wishes to yourself, talk about it, then maybe make out about it.
4. "It Seems Like You're Ready" - R. Kelly
Now, you don't wanna jump to conclusions, but it seems like you're on the same page, but R. Kelly wants to know, "are you ready to go all the way?"
5. "Green Light" - Beyoncé
If you want to, you got the green light. Beyoncé knows how this works.
Aaliyah knows that it's all about communication if you want to get things right.
7. "Red Light Special" - TLC
You need to be attentive. Gettin' sexy is not something to be passive about. Keep it exciting, y'all!
Whoa, bored of the bed already? Now, I won't go into the legalities of public sex, but I hope that if you decide to do it that you don't get in trouble.
9. "Rock Wit U (Awww Baby)" - Ashanti
Well, that was fun. You're totally into each other, and you wanna do it again sometime. Cool, I'm glad it worked out.
Bonus Track!!!!
10. "My Neck, My Back"
I considered leaving this song out, but I kept coming back to it because I mean, why the heck not? Yes, it's quite possibly 2002's most explicit song, but it's impressively catchy, and sort of informative, right? What ever happened to Khia?
What songs are on your sexy jams playlist?
Previously:The Karaoke(y) To My heart, This Too Shall Pass